Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Bro-ed Out

I would like to touch on the subject matter of Bros. Urban Dictionary defines this breed of gentleman as:

"Always match their clothes. have dip in their mouth all the time. constantly talking about drinking, sports or working out. at the gym check themselves out in the mirror more than a girl. actually they check themselves out in any shiny surface. have large cross tats with a shamrock or sports team on it. protein shakes are always on them"

I would say this is a spot-on definition of the modern day bro, but I think we could all name a few more bro-like qualities that are prominent. First, their obsession with neon. As soon as spring time hits, the neon is out in full force around college campuses. Bros plain love neon and especially neon sun glasses, because "they don't care" what people think, when in reality they are checking themselves in their fellow bro's neon shades while conversing about their work-outs. The shades are great for their much anticipated pool parities, hopefully they can find a suit that brings out the neon in their glasses, but doesn't take too much attention off their chiseled, tanned bods.

They also seem to think that mom's adore them, well, they think everyone adores them - but according to the ultimate bro mom's cannot get enough of their swagger. In photos you are likely to find a bro on the side of the frame holding at least one of his arms up in the air positioned towards the camera, in an attempt to make himself the focal point. If there are too many bros at the fest, then any type of arm gesture that draws attention will do. Note the picture below

Bro's love promoting their buddy's music. While Luda is on at a social gathering a bro is likely to shout, with a beer in hand, "Dude, bro, my buddy made this rap album and he's such a sick rapper, here - check it on my iPHONE...its so sick!" Note, that the iPHONE will be the latest version of the device. Only a bro will take the liberty of switching the musical selection at his own free will at an unknown residence. Then your gathering quickly turns into amateur rap hour, with one guy in neon glasses throwing his hands in a tribute to rapping gestures, because of course he is the only one who knows the song. If they are not promoting rap, they are surely telling you how awesome Sublime is. Well duh, nobody is going to argue that Sublime is one of the greatest musical groups of our time, and therefore the bro is only going to gain followers and thus becoming more pumped on Sublime, and then come the bro shouts "ooooohhhh dude" and "sssooooooooooo sick" (both have strong emphases on the "o") and so on and so forth. They make these remarks as if they are a new found philosophy but Sublime has always been a safe favorite.

The closet of a bro consists of an array of clothing, and of course it is not complete without an Ed Hardy graphic tee. An extreme bro will display an Ed Hardy air freshener dangling from the rear-view mirror of his whip (vehicle). Back to the wardrobe. Thanks to their revival of the Deep V, American Apparel has become a hot spot for bros from all walks of life. The appeal of these shirts is they come in all colors, from basic black - rad bro purple. Note the picture above, it's a double bro bonus due to the tat on the forearm. Urban Outfitters is also a hip spot because they provide neon tennies, as well as a great selection of tees with sayings bros admire on them such as "Check out these guns," referring of course to their iron-pumping biceps. Their staples consist of designer jeans, the ultimate bro's will be a pair of be-jeweled True Religions, extra thick stitching. It is important to remember that every bro has his own sense of style that is unique to him.

Without the modern day bro there would be no beer pong, no 80s style revival, no popular TV shows, and many other things we have come to appreciate. There are many other bro qualities to list, but these are among my favorites. As Snookie states "Guido" is a lifestyle, I would like to end by saying "Bro" is a lifestyle and keep doing what you're doing, right on Bros, right on.

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