Saturday, December 18, 2010

Age With Grace

There comes an age in a women's life where the dress is just too short and sleeves are no longer an option.  40 is not a time to lose your dignity by wearing a dress found in the BP section of Nordstroms, you have the mom wave - the arms are freckled an it's just not appropriate anymore.  Then to pair this little number with knee/over the knee high boots without tights goes over about as well as Sarah Palin running for office, it is just one of those things that should have never happened and that we try to block from our memory (although some scars run deep) - and I don't care if Teen People named them one of the top 10 trendiest boots of the season.  And daughters do your mothers a favor by simply telling them to stop raiding their closet because Ann Taylor has plenty of classy trendy clothes that she would look fab in.

Also, when Usher or Bieber comes on at your holiday party please subside from screaming and grinding in the center of your husband and his friends, because you just can't get low like you used.

Time and a place ladies - age with grace.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Santa Con, A Completely Ridiculous NYC Bucket Lister.

Santa hats for days in Central Park
A nationwide event where you dress as the jolly father of Christmas and crawl from bar to bar in your respective city - starting at 10A going until that ol' bowl full of jelly cannot fit another spiked egg nog.  There are designated meeting spots throughout each city where the Santas (and Harry Hanukkahs) converge for an annual convention.  They then look to their leader for guidance as to what watering hole will be first on Santa's list (also the drop spot for the canned food drive - giving one the right to say they were technically part taking in a fundraiser convention on Saturday....nice).  And then "Santa's on the Move...."

Thousands of Santa's take the the streets, and if there was ever a time to "hide yo kids" (as Antoine Dodson would put it) it would be Santa Con Saturday.  I'm sure Santa believers were incredibly confounded with questions when they saw a sea of red suits.  Elves could be understandable, being we all know they make the toys and there are multiple - as we are taught through classic movies, sweatshops and word of mouth on the playground, but there is only one man that plays the role of Saint Nicholas.

Not only is the pure amount of Santas confusing but as they day wears on there were beards on the ground, (confirming any suspicions that Santa's beard was fake last year), girls who slutted the Santa suit putting themselves on the Naughty list and inevitably by the end of the night what looked like some beard on beard action.  Bringing me to my next point of this event being the most random/awkward place to participate in a stray-dog hook up - could you imagine hooking up with someone and he later had to put on his red suit and hat to do the walk of shame - or even worse you had to do it?

Confusing as it may be, as ridiculous as it may be, it may even strip children of the magical belief of is definitely a NYC bucket lister.

Santa Rides the 6

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Rock Bottom FKA The Hulk

It is fair to say the Hogan family has had its fair share of ups and downs.  From Nick driving under the influence and then looking to monetize on it to Linda showing interest in someone who could've went to high school with the Biebs.  Now, finally we have something that sums up the entire Hogan demise in less than a minute through a holiday ad for Rent-A-Center.

Here we see the Hulk as an elf which looks like a replica of the "Buddy"costume from Elf, but made for a 5 year old - RAC probably bought the child's size because they didn't have the budget to afford an adult's size.  Now, it's no secret the Hulk enjoys a tightly fitted ensemble, but usually it is sported while he is in the center of the rink while thousands show their fanship with eyes glued to the TV, rather than an ad that would put shame to even the Lohan family - who has seen more shame in recent years than most families do in a lifetime.  

Ladies and gentlemen - I present to you "Rock Bottom" - formally know as "The Hulk."  

(Picture coming soon).