Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Pizza Eaters: No Loitering

Reallllly? A time limit as to how long I can spend enjoying my pizza? I get the picture, New Yorkers do things quick - walk, talk, work, etc. quick - but I refuse to see pizza eating thrown into this category. For the most part I appreciate the efficiency of New York dwellers - but there is no such thing as efficiency when it comes to eating pizza being there is no way you are consuming based on doctor's orders, for it is a dish of cheese, carbs and grease and most likely you are with company (I hope you are anyways) and therefore it should be a cherished event - not rushed.

I really don't like the "NO LOITERING," it implies that you are doing something wrong, when really you are just being a patron of the establishment.

Also is the 20 minute time limit proportionate to how many slices you get, for example if I get 3 slices am I given a grace period of 30 minutes - not only do I need time to savor my NYC thin crust pizza but I also have to snap myself out of my minor food coma before reviving myself. On that note, does it matter how many people you're with - is every person allotted 20 minutes - therefore a group of 3 would amass 60 minutes? Or is it 20 minutes per pizza session per group based upon trips to the counter. So many questions, so little time.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

About Right

Calling all lipstick wearing hockey moms, S. Palin has a plan to revive the American economy and needs your help....I really don't understand how she lost.

It makes sense because she can probably see the North Pole from her backyard and has been discussing this plan with Santa for quite some time - Oh no, wait a minute maybe by working for Santa she means working for McCain? They do have some similarities such as the white hair, the elderliness - That seems about right...nice metaphor Palin.

Parent's Bragging Rights

As if the traditional "My Kid Made the Honor Roll...Proud Parent" bumper stickers aren't annoying enough, now there are parents who feel left out of the bumper sticker achievers club and are therefore resorting to this, which really reads "My Kid was Too Dumb to Make the Honor Roll...Period." This couldn't fit on a bumper sticker, therefore "Proud Parent...Period" was created for all those soccer moms who feel left out of the bragging rights society that is held every Saturday at the sidelines of their kid's games....who is most likely riding the pine while the honor roll students dominate the field...but don't worry, because the are a "Proud Parent...Period."

(Please pardon the finger obstruction in the bottom right).

Monday, November 8, 2010

NYC has Everything Even...

They say one of the great things about NYC is that there is nothing you want that the city doesn't have...including Mobile Mammograms....for every girl walking down the street who feels like hopping onto a sketchy Winnebago with tinted windows for her examination.

Brought to you by the council of New York in conjunction with the creepers of the city who didn't feel like going through med-school and decided to work remotely instead.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Buzz Kill.

Apparently NYC Forever 21 stores do not allow beverages.

Forever 21 security: "Mam, you're going to have to throw that away no beverages are allowed in the store."

Mel: "Oh no, it's fine it's just coffee." (being it was 11AM I would think this was a given, and at this point I was a little offended they thought it'd be anything else).

Forever 21 security: "No mam, you're not allowed to have any beverages while shopping."

Just a real f-ing buzz kill on my winter wardrobe shopping event.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Bacon. Flavored. Soda.

Bacon Flavored Soda. My main concern is whether this comes in diet or not, because if I am shameless enough to buy Bacon Flavored soda...it better not have any calories, because clearly anyone interested in consuming bacon flavored pop is highly concerned with calorie count.

Secondly, when will this be available via soda fountains, I'd really be interested in ordering it as a back chase on a Friday night.

Thirdly the manufactures of this fine beverage should look into providing it at KFC, as I see it being perfect company for the "Double Down," and I'm sure the consumers interested in the Double Down have been dreaming of the day bacon would take liquid form for quite some time.

WTF. Really? Bacon Flavored Soda?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

LES, More Specific Please

Today I remembered where I was from when someone texted me asking if I wanted to go to LES. Thinking LES was slang for the lesbian part of town, I declined.

An hour later I found out LES is an acronym for the Lower East Side.