I have started to apply to jobs, I have not gotten one yet...weird I know, but am still hopeful. That aside I would like to talk about pets. I myself have never owned anything other than a goldfish, I have had a couple in my life and my most recent one Otis is now 2 and 1/2. Some speculate that he is a Coi due to his size, and I will say he is big boned for a 10 cent goldfish. Lets just say that flushing him down the royal throne will not be an option when his time comes, but I have a nice shoe box for the guy. Now, I would look into coffin options for Otis, or graveyards for goldfish, but oh wait that would BE INSANE. My view of what people go through for their pets may stem from the fact that I have never owned a creature that I can cuddle with...but I do think events by names such as Yappy Hour, or diamond earrings but playful pups are just a little much.
I think it is important to remember that prior to human existence animals were happy to roam the wilderness and explore all nature has to offer with unpolished paws. A popular place used to offer something called Yappy Hour, in which pups could indulge in Bark-aritas and of course purified water, both sparkling and still. The name itself encourages a bunch of little dogs to get together and yap as much as they want, which I do not understand why anyone would encourage this because most of the world spends time trying to shut these pups up. Anyways, it was my lucky fortune that I was in the place during YH from 3-7 PM (I will no longer be spelling out this event, from now on it will be referenced as YH), and to my surprise the canines not only showed up, but in their evening's best. I saw bulldogs in tuxes, chihuahua in tutus and retrievers with head pieces. On a side note I am not sure why the chihuahua has been deemed the accessory dog, but I would like to say to all chihuahuas I am very sorry for a certain famous hotel-heir socialite's actions that have made you the dress up doggie for years to come. Back to YH, I noticed the owners mingling amongst themselves, and then I also noticed the pups socializing - and then it dawned on me - YH is a courting event for man's best friend. The sparkling water and canine friendly hors d' oeuvres served as means to make the animals feel a bit more at ease, and the outfits they were sporting certainly left nothing to the imagination of the opposite sex pup.
Right when conversations and yapping were at their peaks of the evening Marilyn Monroe waltzed in, her collar complete with rhinestone fixtures and paws painted in an eye-catching pink (as if a dog's paws being painted isn't eye-catching enough). She made all the gals jealous and all the guys goo-goo, she was that girl you hate to see walk into the bar when you're with a group of guys because you know anything you say after she struts in is going in one ear and out the other. I couldn't help but strike up a conversation with the owner. We got to talking and things were going well, until she told me something that made me feel like I just heard Paul Revere shout"The Red Coats are coming." Apparently this diva took her canine version of herself to a boutique to get her ears pierced, and was so disappointed when she was told that it was unhealthy for the dog. She had bought little Marilyn something that comes in a little blue box fastened with a white bow. Yes, she had bought her dog DIAMOND earrings from Tiffany's. Last I checked diamonds were given as a token of engagement and/or to commemorate 60 years of being wed. To take the ultimate symbol of commitment and hand it to a chihuahua is just plain de-humanizing. I never thought I would live in a world filled with doggie day spas and painted paws, but the day I see a canine be-dazzeled in gem stones is the day I loose faith in humans. So I would like to say thank you boutique worker who refused this woman diamond studs for her pup, you have given me the gift of further faith in humanity.
Did you actually work at a place that had YH?! OMG, that is so funny. It's amazing the jobs we have to take before our life path actually gets started. I once worked at a Hungarian Pen Factory. Actually, it was a boiler room set up---a front office, and a large back room where about twenty salesman sat along the wallsin front of a ledge filled with telephones. Each salesman had to make these phone calls to sell ballpoint pens. It was a business run by Hungarians. Actually, it was one Hungarian and his brother-in-law who was from Morocco. The brother-in-law's name was "Momy." No, not Mommy, but M.O.M.Y. I was a part time secretary/file clerk/phone answerer. Anyways, I ended up writing a play a few years after I got fired from that job (can you imagine I was so bad at that job I actually got fired?) and I wrote a few lines about working at a Hungarian Pen Factory, and I even used my bosses name (Momy) and every night those lines got such big laughs. I used to stand in the back of the theatre listening to those laughs, thinking, "Well, I guess all the shit jobs I had to take in my 20s paid off." Keep that in mind as you start your journey in the Big Apple. The jobs may not be the best, but you can always write about them, and maybe that's where the payoff will be.
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